Entry: Love Left Unspoken Jan 28, 2008

I am sure that each and every one of us have encountered this situation: a love left unspoken. I did.

When I was a school girl, I secretly admired a guy. He was three years older than me. A budding athlete.

My life then, evolved around schools and tuitions. And, him. We barely spoke. Only exchanged glances and smiles.

Until one day, he sent a messenger. My own brother.

"So and so sent his regards." My brother looked at me in disgust. Jealousy erupted. Protective of his elder sister- me. Disliked any guy who harboured admiration towards me.

But it was just that... A mutual liking. Nothing beyond that.

Just a love left unspoken.

When I looked back, I wondered- what happened if he rang me up? Would I say yes to his invitation for coffee? Oppss.. not coffee. Movie.

In those days, when a boy was interested to get to know a girl, it was always a movie date. Classic boy-meet-girl date. Simple. Cheap. No expectation. The movie would always end with a light dinner at a fast food restaurant.

A fast food restaurant would always be the best bet. It is cozy, airy and air-conditioned. For a boy with a limited budget, it would be the perfect place. To get to know the girl.

Being a gentleman, the guy would offer to buy the value meals. The girl would choose a seat, away from the crowd. When the guy comes, the girl would shyly take her drink and sip quietly. The boy and the girl would put up their best appearance.

Then, the guy would walk the girl to the bus station. The girl took the bus, beaming, blushing happily. The guy would awkwardly wait until the bus took off - and finally lost amidst the busy traffic.

The girl would try her best not to look back - to see the guy, still waiting at the station. But, at one point, when she does, it was too far away. And, she turned again. Sitting next to the window. Building a hope. That one day, they would meet again.

Today, when my friend and I have the urge to indulge in fast food, we would bump into these young couples in the restaurants- you name it - KFC, A&W, Burger King. And, I just smile. Because, seeing them, reminds me of the days when life was just a simple story. A boy met a girl for a movie. And french fries and burgers. And bus station. No expectation. Just follow the flow.

They say
the first love's most important.
That's very romantic,
but not my experience.

Something was and wasn't there between us,
something went on and went away.

My hands never tremble
when I stumble on silly keepsakes
and a sheaf of letters tied with string
not even ribbon.

Our only meeting after years:
two chairs chatting
at a chilly table.

Other loves
still breathe deep inside me.
This one's too short of breath even to sigh.

Yet just exactly as it is,
it does what the others still can't manage:
not even seen in dreams,
it introduces me to death."

- Wislawa Szymborska

-Carrie Writes-


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